This set of questions is really more of a "street and appearance" kind of thread, than a road racing or autocross topic... So you probably won't find a lot of feedback here. With that said, here's a little info for you:
For street "performance", your stepmom probably won't notice a difference with 18's. A shorter sidewall makes it harder to put the power down quickly (depending on the power level and what your stepmom wants out of the car).
The shorter sidewall will "firm up" the street handling a bit.
And a shorter sidewall will make the small bumps and thumps more noticeable, because the sidewall normally takes up those a bit before the springs/shocks come into play.
You're right that if the overall diameter is the same, there won't be any extra load on the brakes.
I'm running 18 x 9 245's with no problems on the street. 245 was the max size I could run in STS class (but the 9" wheels were actually 1" too wide....)
Can't really answer the question about "pushing them out a 1/4" without knowing how they sit in the fenderwells. But as far as street driving on street tires, I don't think it would make a handling difference one way or the other, so it's probably not worth the effort.
Dropping the car is good ("generally speaking") for lowering the center of gravity for handling improvements. Is this something your stepmom cares about though, getting that little bit of lowered cg for street driving? It's good for appearance too, but it starts to cause problems with getting in and out of sloped driveways, speed bumps, etc. for street use. The ride can become harsher because of hitting the bump stops more easily.
So, when are you going to get
your car out to an autocross?

(and then post up what you think about it!)