Going fast costs money. Lord, ain't that the truth. In the never ending search for a sugar mama/ motorhead fool to sponsor my misdirected, willy nilly, quixotic racing enterprise; I strive to be politically correct and vanilla-y unoffensive at *all* times. You never know when Big Daddy Checkbook might be hovering on the edge of the throng just itchin' to write out the six figure check You just never, never know so I tiptoe around, not stepping on toes, smiling and kissing butt, always agreeing and most of all -- No Original Thinking. What a death sentence that is! This ain't the World of Outlaws!

I am a marketing guy so I know - unequivocally - what it takes to secure that sponsorship that puts everyone on easy street. I live in Big Daddy Checkbook's mind so pay attention grasshoppers!

First you have to project an image of money, power and glamour.


(IMG:http://www.texasinterceptors.com/images/wardrobe.jpg)


Next, you have to surround yourself with young, nubile chickies that raise your desirability level. If you are an old fart like me, this step is especially important.

(IMG:http://www.texasinterceptors.com/images/yuppie.jpg)


Thirdly, you have to have the best crew in existence becasue while you are out making kissy face with everybody, someody actually has to work so make sure you pick your crew based on motivation and intelligence. They have to make you LOOK GOOD!

(IMG:http://www.texasinterceptors.com/images/crew.jpg)

Make double damned sure they never see you sweat! Fat people sweat alot so make real, real sure there ain't no pussle gutted fatties hanging around with your posse. That is sure death.

(IMG:http://www.texasinterceptors.com/images/fats.jpg)

And lastly, make sure you always be looking good and don't do anything to cause controversy with your wardrobe. This is what I will be wearing at the Bonneville 100 to project that 'perfect image'.

(IMG:http://www.texasinterceptors.com/images/kocky.jpg)

So there ya have it. The sure fire, 100% guaranteed, never fail plan to secure that six figure sponsorship. I have an infomercial in the works that will certainly fund my retirement to Belize.