Going fast costs money. Lord, ain't that the truth. In the never ending search for a sugar mama/ motorhead fool to sponsor my misdirected, willy nilly, quixotic racing enterprise; I strive to be politically correct and vanilla-y unoffensive at *all* times. You never know when Big Daddy Checkbook might be hovering on the edge of the throng just itchin' to write out the six figure check You just never, never know so I tiptoe around, not stepping on toes, smiling and kissing butt, always agreeing and most of all -- No Original Thinking. What a death sentence that is! This ain't the World of Outlaws!

I am a marketing guy so I know - unequivocally - what it takes to secure that sponsorship that puts everyone on easy street. I live in Big Daddy Checkbook's mind so pay attention grasshoppers!

First you have to project an image of money, power and glamour.





Next, you have to surround yourself with young, nubile chickies that raise your desirability level. If you are an old fart like me, this step is especially important.




Thirdly, you have to have the best crew in existence becasue while you are out making kissy face with everybody, someody actually has to work so make sure you pick your crew based on motivation and intelligence. They have to make you LOOK GOOD!



Make double damned sure they never see you sweat! Fat people sweat alot so make real, real sure there ain't no pussle gutted fatties hanging around with your posse. That is sure death.



And lastly, make sure you always be looking good and don't do anything to cause controversy with your wardrobe. This is what I will be wearing at the Bonneville 100 to project that 'perfect image'.



So there ya have it. The sure fire, 100% guaranteed, never fail plan to secure that six figure sponsorship. I have an infomercial in the works that will certainly fund my retirement to Belize.

If it wasn't for that tiny glimpse of the same orange and white jackstands that I have (among others), I'd have to add a witty comment about the two guys under the Vette with a loaded floor jack between them. I'll have to assume there was another jackstand at the other end, 'cause I'm still one cupa joe shy of wit.

At this point, I've abandoned any hope of sponsorship. It's liberating, I gotta tell ya. Liberating! Except, since the young nubile chicks were never showing up, I finally had to let them go ....

Any more pics of the nubile chick?

Perhaps you can fund your racing team selling the T-shirts.

I'm in for a couple.

You're going about this all wrong Andy. What you should be doing to get racing money is writing a book about how to succeed in racing...you could call it "The Unfairly Disadvantaged".

(look up Mark Donohue if you don't get the joke)

Yep Sean, Jackstands front and rear.

At a race, my onlookers always resemble Don Knotts and wear black socks with thier sandals. I am just resigned to that fact.




Art,

I wish I was clever enough to come up with a tshirt like that. You can get one here:

Kocky Products

Look under the "Domestic" link



Hey Al,

I sorta like that - Unfairly Disadvantaged. The bad thing about writing a boot strap racing book is who would buy it? The target market is other broke racers like us????



Mitch,

It would seem with all the good looking women here in Texas some of them would love to hang out with car guys. I think they love the idea of loud cars and going fast. They just don't care anything about actually doing it.

But I do have to qualify that -- my current squeeze and daughter are talking about entering the '77 Vette in the fall Roadrunner ORR in one of the slow classes. Sure, they are excited about racing but the other thing that has them fired up is what they are going to wear. I am just gonna go with it and earn some points.

That's awesome, Andy.

I took my wife to a local autocross a few years agao and she loved it.

Problem was, we couldn't afford this habit x2 so she stayed home.

Mitch (laying low for when Julie comes strolling through) Warren

She let ya win that one!

I mean Mitch, how much trouble could they get in? Street Touring class 90-100 mph? Don't have to do anything but buy a couple of new helmets -- Pink I am told. LOL. Oughta be a hoot!

Don't I know it ...

Andy ... how much trouble?

Think back for a moment when you "just entered the 90-100 mph class." Fast Forward to the present and I look at your avatar ...

Pink helmets today ... 30lbs of boost tomorrow ....

'nuff said ...

If I could just stop by the store and pick up 30 lbs of boost. Bring it home and install it (with no other mods...and no resulting explosion).

From the engine or the wife?

Those are some cool shirts, Andy. Thanks for the link

de nada

I liked "TORQUE my anti (crossed out) drug".

[edit]They've added new pages and shirts to the site today.