I finally understand why God ... Options

[mitchntx]

... makes raising children such a chore sometimes.

It's to prepare you for when your parents are close to reaching the end of their life.

Many of you know, I lost my Dad to cancer several years ago. And it now appears my Mom is beginning to wind down her life as well. It's OK as I have taken numerous oppurtunities to talk candidly about her death, her wishes and her fears. Likewise, I have done the same with her ... no regrets.

When they are in terrible pain, depressed and refusing treatment, food, water, medication ... it's hard to undertand the bull-headedness.

Yesterday afternoon she pitched a fit any 5 year old would envy. My wife called me, in tears, explaining what was going on. By the time I got the car loaded, the truck packed and got to the rehab hospital, Mom was all smiles and everything was once again wonderful.

Reminded me so much of how my daughters acted at times when they didn't get their way or didn't like the reasoning I gave them for why I said no.

It was at that point in time I understood why God made rasing kids difficult at times ... taking care of parents is much more difficult ...

Use your time with your folks wisely ...

/vent

[jensend]

Know what you mean. We've spent the last 10 years providing care for my wife's mother. At this point she's made the transition from selfish complainer to vicious sociopath courtesy of advancing dementia. It's very difficult to remain objective in the face of destructive behavior when it comes from one's parent- even when the cause is medical. It's difficult to watch my wife suffer from the accusations of someone who, though looking like her mother, is someone else entirely. Not sure I see the point of some of the supposed medical advances that prolong life regardless of it's quality. Hopefully, what you are facing is something more pleasant and short term than what we are experiencing. Try to keep the person you know as a parent separate from what may just be a manifestation of an illness. You have my sincere sympaty.

[mitchntx]

Brother, do I hear your cries ... My Mom's dementia is in it's infancy ...

Props to you and your wife for taking on this role.

[Pilot]

Mitch, I'm really sorry to hear that. This past winter I lost my grandfather, and my other grandparents are quite up there in age as well. I've seen how hard they can be to deal with as they age and it takes a strong person to deal with that. Keep up the good work.

[GM01SS]

To All..........enjoy your parents while you have them. I am one of the lucky, both parents are alive and in fair health. I will never forget the look of being "scared" on my fathers face after a recent heart attack.

You are fighting the good fight, after all they would do it for you.

God Bless and keep the faith.

My humble $.02

Gary

[redbird1]

Mitch,
I to lost my dad to cancer just a few yrs ago. He was 72. He was on and off again with it for 7 yrs. In my case there never really was any taking care of him. He was very strong thru it until the very end when it got the best of him. I remember one time he was at my house putting shingles on my new addition the day after having received a Kemo treatment. My wife who is an RN couldn't believe it. My mother is still doing fine. I cannot imagine having to take care of them as you and others have described in this thread. Keep praying and God be with you and your family in these times.

Steve

[trackbird]

Wow Mitch. I can only wish for the best for you and your wife. It's a tough battle and there will be days you just want to quit (and I know you are too stubbron for that).

My grandfather had alzheimer's and lived for 5 years while getting worse every day. We weren't sure that my grandmother was going to make it either as taking care of him was taking a toll on her too (but she refused to quit and wouldn't ask for help). He was on oxygen and wouldn't sleep upstairs because he was afraid the fire would get out of the oxygen bottle (he saw the flammable warning sticker and thought there was fire in the bottle) and he wouldn't make it downstairs before the fire got him (and that was a few years from the end, he digressed from there). He passed away several years ago and grandma has been a kid again, visiting family all over the country and having a ball (it took her a while to get past things and move forward with her life). Watching him as he got worse was one of the worst things ever. Sometimes life comes from death. She has her life back and has really started living again. I can only hope you have similar results.

[AllZWay]

Mitch... Hang in there. I can only imagine the pain this brings to you and Debbie, but hopefully things will get better.

[rmackintosh]

Mitch, that just sucks! Hope it goes OK for you.

For me, I spend a HUGE amount of time with my parents these days....my dad is basically my best friend and pit crew...but both have just recently crossed over into their 70's, and are "showing signs" I will probably handle this stage VERY BADLY I am afraid....

Best of luck

[JonV]

Don't know what to say. I lost my Dad when I was 8 years old and my Mom when I was 13. I just recently got through a bout of cancer. The time I spent in hospital was most unpleasant. Seeing the kind of suffering that happens there is profoundly depressing.

But.

These are a few of the more positive things I've learned. Life is short. Life is precious. The most important thing you can possibly do with your life is to love others generously; as for those who won't accept your gift, ignore them.

Beyond this, nothing really matters much.

(IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)

[CMC #37]

My Dad passed this last June and had dementia related to a weak heart/poor circulation. He still never forgot who I was and even though he was a pain in the ass sometimes he was my pain in the ass! I miss him everyday. Each day with your parents is a gift to treasure!

[mitchntx]

Wow! I never expected this kind of supportive talk. It lifts my heart and my spirit ... thank you all so much.

Mom is going home tomorrow ... the hospital scene is just not working.

So, it's back home and an attempt to make her as comfortable as possible ...

[Teutonic Speedra...]

I lost my Dad about 10 years ago to cancer, when I was 16 (in HS). It got so bad, that it was in a way a relief to see him stop suffering. I had spent a ton of time with him since we shared hobbies, but I feel more bad for my other siblings who hadn't spent as much time, and my youngest sister who was only 5 and in kindergarten. She really didn't get to know him (more just what people tell her).

Spend time with your parents! We are all thinking of you and your family on here.