[mitchntx]

My wife, God bless her, brought home a free mouse from the pet store. Unfortunately, the $10,000 worth of habitrail, food $ shavings wasn't part of the deal. (IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/dry.gif)

This was about a month ago and I had no idea. She had poor little Chester in her sewing room. I don't go in there because it just syphons the manhood right out of me ...

Last week, she breaks the news to me like this ... "Chester isn't in his cage."

"Who's Chester?"

I'll save you all the angst of the next 30 minutes of "discussion". Our conversation ended (for about 2 days) with me making a reference to her IQ and Chester's destiny involving the business end of bird shot.

Like most husbands, it was bullshit and had no intention of shooting poor little Chester. It would have been hell to fix the toe kick under the kitchen cabinets.

After Chester began leaving little momentos of his appreciation, the wife decided he had to go. Of course, now Chester is "that damn rodent" and no longer "cute little Chester". And guess who's problem Chester is now?

So, like any God fearing humanitarian, I decide I will live trap poor little Chester and set him free to roam the hills around Lake Granbury. Be free little Chester ... has anyone priced those damn live traps? Installing now base cabinets would be cheaper ...

Ah-Ha ... spring traps. Got him now ... what I can't figure is how I can break my damn fingers setting these things and Chester can feast off of peanut butter, soft cheese and bread (with the crust cut off) and NOT set off the trap? How is this possible?

Meanwhile, sweet little Chester is getting rather large, chowing down on this buffet we set out for him.

And Chester is a smart little shit.

I can be sitting in my chair, spot his ass jogging along the base cabinets, our eyes meet and I can get almost close enough to smell his little cheese and peanut butter breath and off he goes to a corner and disappears. I swear the hole Chester the mouse-cat goes through is as big as a Bic pen.

OK ... I walk upright ... I have thumbs ... I have the ability to reason ... I have yet a better mouse trap.

I place 3 traps under the hole, each with the trigger facing the cabinet. I have all the angles covered. I place 12 pack of colas along the base of the cabinets, in order to funnel Chester the Wonder Mouse to the awaiting traps.

and I wait ...

Finally, out he comes, into the middle of the floor, obviously waiting to be seated at "his" table. I again walk towards him, in an attempt to herd him into the tunnel of doom.

It works! He scampers behind the cardboard facade housing 24 Diet Cokes, straight for the death traps. I eagerly await the sweet sound of the trap's wrath swinging down and breaking this rodent's back. I know the excrutiating pain he will feel as the index finger on my right hand is still pulsing in pain.

That sound of triumph is nye ....

Silence .... WTF?

In desperation and disbelief, I pick up the cola box to see what happened. There they are, traps all lined up like little soldiers, rifles cocked and ready to fire ... but no Chester.

How can this be? It was the perfect plan.

About that time, the bottom of the cola box rips, cans fall to the floor with a couple of them now puking their contents all over the kitchen.

And chester falls out of the box as well, looking pissed because I just ruined his new condo. Yes he's pissed, but he ain't stupid, as I'm coming to realize.

He scampers away at quite a fast pace ... YES! ... towards the traps of death! He's going home! His fur is glistening from the sparkling soda bath and I just know I got him!

He glides over the traps and disappears into the tiny hole of the cabinet base.

My spirit dead, my honor destryed, my soul deflated, I reach down to check the traps and THWACK ...

Looking at the bright side, I no longer feel that pulsing pain in my right index finger. It has mysteriously moved to my left thumb.

Chester still lives ... wife laughing uncontrollabley ... I'm going to bed.

True story ....

Chester ==> (IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/nutkick.gif) <=== Me