 OK ... this damn mouse is pissing me off |
|
|||||||||
 Nov 3 2006, 04:55 PM
Post
#1
|
|
|
Nothing says 'I love you.' like a box of Hydroshoks  Group: Moderators Posts: 5,284 Joined: 23-December 03 From: Granbury, TX Member No.: 4  |
My wife, God bless her, brought home a free mouse from the pet store. Unfortunately, the $10,000 worth of habitrail, food $ shavings wasn't part of the deal. (IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/dry.gif)
This was about a month ago and I had no idea. She had poor little Chester in her sewing room. I don't go in there because it just syphons the manhood right out of me ... Last week, she breaks the news to me like this ... "Chester isn't in his cage." "Who's Chester?" I'll save you all the angst of the next 30 minutes of "discussion". Our conversation ended (for about 2 days) with me making a reference to her IQ and Chester's destiny involving the business end of bird shot. Like most husbands, it was bullshit and had no intention of shooting poor little Chester. It would have been hell to fix the toe kick under the kitchen cabinets. After Chester began leaving little momentos of his appreciation, the wife decided he had to go. Of course, now Chester is "that damn rodent" and no longer "cute little Chester". And guess who's problem Chester is now? So, like any God fearing humanitarian, I decide I will live trap poor little Chester and set him free to roam the hills around Lake Granbury. Be free little Chester ... has anyone priced those damn live traps? Installing now base cabinets would be cheaper ... Ah-Ha ... spring traps. Got him now ... what I can't figure is how I can break my damn fingers setting these things and Chester can feast off of peanut butter, soft cheese and bread (with the crust cut off) and NOT set off the trap? How is this possible? Meanwhile, sweet little Chester is getting rather large, chowing down on this buffet we set out for him. And Chester is a smart little shit. I can be sitting in my chair, spot his ass jogging along the base cabinets, our eyes meet and I can get almost close enough to smell his little cheese and peanut butter breath and off he goes to a corner and disappears. I swear the hole Chester the mouse-cat goes through is as big as a Bic pen. OK ... I walk upright ... I have thumbs ... I have the ability to reason ... I have yet a better mouse trap. I place 3 traps under the hole, each with the trigger facing the cabinet. I have all the angles covered. I place 12 pack of colas along the base of the cabinets, in order to funnel Chester the Wonder Mouse to the awaiting traps. and I wait ... Finally, out he comes, into the middle of the floor, obviously waiting to be seated at "his" table. I again walk towards him, in an attempt to herd him into the tunnel of doom. It works! He scampers behind the cardboard facade housing 24 Diet Cokes, straight for the death traps. I eagerly await the sweet sound of the trap's wrath swinging down and breaking this rodent's back. I know the excrutiating pain he will feel as the index finger on my right hand is still pulsing in pain. That sound of triumph is nye .... Silence .... WTF? In desperation and disbelief, I pick up the cola box to see what happened. There they are, traps all lined up like little soldiers, rifles cocked and ready to fire ... but no Chester. How can this be? It was the perfect plan. About that time, the bottom of the cola box rips, cans fall to the floor with a couple of them now puking their contents all over the kitchen. And chester falls out of the box as well, looking pissed because I just ruined his new condo. Yes he's pissed, but he ain't stupid, as I'm coming to realize. He scampers away at quite a fast pace ... YES! ... towards the traps of death! He's going home! His fur is glistening from the sparkling soda bath and I just know I got him! He glides over the traps and disappears into the tiny hole of the cabinet base. My spirit dead, my honor destryed, my soul deflated, I reach down to check the traps and THWACK ... Looking at the bright side, I no longer feel that pulsing pain in my right index finger. It has mysteriously moved to my left thumb. Chester still lives ... wife laughing uncontrollabley ... I'm going to bed. True story .... Chester ==> (IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/nutkick.gif) <=== Me |
 |
 
|
 |
Replies
(20 - 39)
|
Nov 3 2006, 08:15 PM
Post
#21
|
|
|
Nothing says 'I love you.' like a box of Hydroshoks Group: Moderators Posts: 5,284 Joined: 23-December 03 From: Granbury, TX Member No.: 4 |
Damn ... he's everywhere!
|
|
|
|
|
Nov 3 2006, 08:18 PM
Post
#22
|
|
|
FRRAX Owner/Admin Group: Admin Posts: 15,432 Joined: 13-February 04 From: Ohio Member No.: 196 |
Hell Mitch, he even lives in Grandbury.....
Oh wait, that's your place.....(IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/wink.gif) |
|
|
|
|
Nov 3 2006, 08:24 PM
Post
#23
|
|
|
Veteran Member Group: Advanced Members Posts: 3,874 Joined: 3-July 04 From: Pearland, Texas Member No.: 385 |
Put the peanut butter under the tripping mechanism. It is harder for them to get it off, and they usually have to bend around in odd angles to do it. >SNAP<!
Good luck. |
|
|
|
|
Nov 3 2006, 08:26 PM
Post
#24
|
|
|
newbie Group: Advanced Members Posts: 9 Joined: 3-November 06 From: Mitch's Casa TX Member No.: 1,444 |
QUOTE (CrashTestDummy @ Nov 3 2006, 02:24 PM)  Put the peanut butter under the tripping mechanism. It is harder for them to get it off, and they usually have to bend around in odd angles to do it. >SNAP<! Good luck. Hey dip-shit, i can see what your typing. i'm as fast as fast can be, you'll never catch me! (IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/whip.gif) |
|
|
|
|
Nov 3 2006, 08:30 PM
Post
#25
|
|
|
Nothing says 'I love you.' like a box of Hydroshoks Group: Moderators Posts: 5,284 Joined: 23-December 03 From: Granbury, TX Member No.: 4 |
Chester might be quick, be certainly cannot spell ... Grandbury ... sheesh!
|
|
|
|
|
Nov 3 2006, 08:31 PM
Post
#26
|
|
|
newbie Group: Advanced Members Posts: 9 Joined: 3-November 06 From: Mitch's Casa TX Member No.: 1,444 |
QUOTE (mitchntx @ Nov 3 2006, 02:30 PM) Chester might be quick, be certainly cannot spell ... Grandbury ... sheesh! so you can spell. big whoop. how many FRRAX members does it take to catch a mouse? |
|
|
|
|
Nov 3 2006, 08:33 PM
Post
#27
|
|
|
Taste of Texas Member Group: Members Posts: 4 Joined: 3-November 06 Member No.: 1,445 |
QUOTE (Chester Da Mouse @ Nov 3 2006, 08:31 PM) QUOTE (mitchntx @ Nov 3 2006, 02:30 PM) Chester might be quick, be certainly cannot spell ... Grandbury ... sheesh! so you can spell. big whoop. how many FRRAX members does it take to catch a mouse? Just one......ME! Meoooooowwwww..... (IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/ph34r.gif) |
|
|
|
|
Nov 3 2006, 08:34 PM
Post
#28
|
|
|
Nothing says 'I love you.' like a box of Hydroshoks Group: Moderators Posts: 5,284 Joined: 23-December 03 From: Granbury, TX Member No.: 4 |
Attitude?
We'll see about that tonight. Walk very softly there, buddy. Damn ... the things we do for entertainment during the "off-season" |
|
|
|
|
Nov 3 2006, 08:34 PM
Post
#29
|
|
|
FRRAX Owner/Admin Group: Admin Posts: 15,432 Joined: 13-February 04 From: Ohio Member No.: 196 |
This place has gone to the dogs, er, cats, er, uh, mice today.....
|
|
|
|
|
Nov 3 2006, 09:21 PM
Post
#30
|
|
|
Experienced Member Group: Advanced Members Posts: 1,766 Joined: 10-April 04 From: New Orleans, LA Member No.: 303 |
Is anyone working? I thought my e-mail was busted - 39 new e-mails just from FRRAX!
Ooops, gotta go - here comes my boss! |
|
|
|
|
Nov 3 2006, 09:26 PM
Post
#31
|
|
|
Senior Member Group: Advanced Members Posts: 5,226 Joined: 24-December 03 From: Danville, CA, USA Member No.: 27 |
....hehe...I got a fricken racoon that EVERY FRICKEN MORNING peels my front lawn back like a sod cutter looking for grubs.....
(IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/banghead.gif) (IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/rant.gif) (IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/rant2.gif) (IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/mad.gif) This post has been edited by rmackintosh: Nov 3 2006, 09:26 PM |
|
|
|
|
Nov 3 2006, 09:28 PM
Post
#32
|
|
|
FRRAX Owner/Admin Group: Admin Posts: 15,432 Joined: 13-February 04 From: Ohio Member No.: 196 |
QUOTE (00 Trans Ram @ Nov 3 2006, 04:21 PM) Is anyone working? I thought my e-mail was busted - 39 new e-mails just from FRRAX! Ooops, gotta go - here comes my boss! I blew up my back on Monday and I've been home all week. So, I'm not working, but I can't speak for the rest of you. QUOTE (rmackintosh @ Nov 3 2006, 04:26 PM) ....hehe...I got a fricken racoon that EVERY FRICKEN MORNING peels my front lawn back like a sod cutter looking for grubs..... (IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/banghead.gif) (IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/rant.gif) (IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/rant2.gif) (IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/mad.gif) Birdshot? Call Mitch, he has some extra shells. (IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif) |
|
|
|
|
Nov 3 2006, 09:44 PM
Post
#33
|
|
|
Nothing says 'I love you.' like a box of Hydroshoks Group: Moderators Posts: 5,284 Joined: 23-December 03 From: Granbury, TX Member No.: 4 |
Sticky traps are laid ... I also set out regular traps.
I dug a moat around the house and have it filled with kerosene. I plan on setting it ablaze shortly after dark. I have 3 legions of swordsmen on hot stand-by, along with Clint Eastwood and his 6 shooter. I called Tom Cuise for an F14, but he was busy jumping up and down on a sofa in front of Oprah. Obi-Wan was available, but the Alteron galaxy was just too far away. So, it's just me and Chester ... heh, heh, heh .... |
|
|
|
|
Nov 3 2006, 09:53 PM
Post
#34
|
|
|
newbie Group: Advanced Members Posts: 9 Joined: 3-November 06 From: Mitch's Casa TX Member No.: 1,444 |
dude, we are like out of soda and stuff. could ya set another trap?
or better yet, how about we deal you in? don't worry, we have a 5 "momentos of his appreciation" limit. (IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif) (IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif) (IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/rotf.gif) (IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/rotf.gif) (IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/rotf.gif) (IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/rotf.gif) (IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/rotf.gif) (IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/drink.gif) (IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/drink.gif) |
|
|
|
|
Nov 3 2006, 09:55 PM
Post
#35
|
|
|
FRRAX Owner/Admin Group: Admin Posts: 15,432 Joined: 13-February 04 From: Ohio Member No.: 196 |
I'll be anxious to see which one of you is alive to post tomorrow......(IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)
|
|
|
|
|
Nov 3 2006, 10:57 PM
Post
#36
|
|
|
Advanced Member Group: Advanced Members Posts: 689 Joined: 8-May 06 From: Charlotte, NC Member No.: 1,201 |
QUOTE (trackbird @ Nov 3 2006, 01:55 PM) I'll be anxious to see which one of you is alive to post tomorrow......(IMG:http://www.frrax.com/rrforum/style_emoticons/default/wink.gif) I am laughing my head off....... A word on the mouse bait... When we had a mouse, he first ate from the poison set out to him, than chewed trough the unopened box of poison sitting in the garage. Did it kill him? NO! Than he just left green momentoes of his existance. What finally got him is 3 well placed shots out of the barell of my bibi gun. Happy Hunting! |
|
|
|
|
Nov 3 2006, 11:35 PM
Post
#37
|
|
|
Advanced Member Group: Advanced Members Posts: 620 Joined: 24-December 03 From: Chester, VA Member No.: 22 |
You need "Clyde", our albino ferret. He doesn't back down from my 130 pound black lab.
This post has been edited by rpoz-29: Nov 3 2006, 11:35 PM |
|
|
|
|
Nov 3 2006, 11:56 PM
Post
#38
|
|
|
newbie Group: Advanced Members Posts: 9 Joined: 3-November 06 From: Mitch's Casa TX Member No.: 1,444 |
little do you know that your "Clyde" is on the payroll.
come on guys and gals, haven't you seen "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Universe"? ooohhhhh man, that's better. i just scratched my but on the walking peanut butter dispenser's tooth brush. |
|
|
|
|
Nov 4 2006, 12:25 AM
Post
#39
|
|
|
Taste of Texas Member Group: Members Posts: 4 Joined: 3-November 06 Member No.: 1,445 |
QUOTE (Chester Da Mouse @ Nov 3 2006, 11:56 PM) ooohhhhh man, that's better. i just scratched my but on the walking peanut butter dispenser's tooth brush. THAT'S IT...... someone had better be sending me a bus ticket to Texas..... |
|
|
|
|
Nov 4 2006, 12:59 AM
Post
#40
|
|
|
Nothing says 'I love you.' like a box of Hydroshoks Group: Moderators Posts: 5,284 Joined: 23-December 03 From: Granbury, TX Member No.: 4 |
QUOTE (Midnight da Cat @ Nov 3 2006, 06:25 PM) QUOTE (Chester Da Mouse @ Nov 3 2006, 11:56 PM) ooohhhhh man, that's better. i just scratched my but on the walking peanut butter dispenser's tooth brush. THAT'S IT...... someone had better be sending me a bus ticket to Texas..... I got yer ticket ... shhhh ... be very, very quiet ... |
|
|
|
 |
6 User(s) are reading this topic (6 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:
| Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 4th May 2025 - 03:52 PM |